The Inevitable: Shaving my Hair

I knew this was coming since I was told I had cancer - Hair loss is something you associate with cancer and chemotherapy, isn't it? It's a giveaway that someone is ill. And yet, when I got into the shower and found big clumps of my electric blue hair coming out in my hands, it was a shock. A big shock.

Day by day, more and more strands of hair were coming out. Not quite clumps, just lots of individual strands - but they were everywhere. All over my pillow, all over my bed. When I showered, that's when big clumps came out. It wasn't exactly upsetting; I had been expecting it. But it was a shock.
I could tug on my hair and it would just fall out in strands. I would wake in the morning to find hair everywhere, and at night I would look in the mirror and think, "I wonder how much worse it'll be tomorrow?" Brushing my hair after showering made me realize how bad it had gotten. I looked at the brush, and there was simply a mat of blue hair stuck between the bristles. And that's when I realized, my hair just had to go.

Losing your hair can be upsetting. For me, personally, it wasn't too bad; despite my wacky hair colours suggesting otherwise, I'm not overly attached to my hair. So when it started to come out, I wasn't too bothered by it. The part that bothered me most of all, though, was the mess it left!

When in hospital for the first time, I dyed my hair pink, and then blue followed. I think it was a shock for the nurses to see me come out of the bathroom with pink hair, the first time. I was on an open ward with mostly older folk, so I think it was a shock to them, too! My second dye job, which was the electric blue I kept up until recently, was done after I moved to my third ward, C7. I had an ensuite there, so I felt more comfortable doing it. I did it with one hand, as in my left hand was a big cannula - I didn't want to dye it blue, or get hair dye in it. But I managed, and I was very pleased with the results.

So, when the time came that I decided my hair needed to go, I talked to my parents and my nurses about it. When they told me I was free to cut it if I wanted, we asked a close family friend of ours to come over and do the job. She was amazing, and kept me comfortable through what could have been a really emotional time.

First of all, I got my hair cut short - so not quite as short as shaving. But in the end, I decided I wanted it shorter than that, and we decided to shave it. I have a few bald patches (but nothing massively noticeable) and my hair is very thin, even with it shaved so short. But that's okay.
For a seventeen year old girl, hair is important - There's no doubt about that. But for me, I knew it was just part of my treatment to lose it, so I had time to adjust to the idea of being bald - or near enough bald.

But it isn't all about my hair loss - When in hospital I was visited by a woman who sorted out wigs for cancer patients. We went through a variety of wigs and found what was best for me - and I have to say, I love it. I'm excited for it's debut! That isn't to say I will always wear a wig, though. I feel surprisingly comfortable with my shaved hair and even in public, while I will probably get some odd looks, I feel like I could wear my "baldy-bap", as my family lovingly calls it, with pride!

So you're probably wondering what kind of wig I chose. Well, I looked at long ones, short ones, black, brown, blonde - And ultimately settled for the one that suited me best. Not to mention, I have a variety of wigs at home - slightly more "out-there" ones - but it's nice to have a bit of variety and, on the days I am feeling more confident, I can wear a blue or a silver wig if that's what I feel like!

Looks pretty natural, don't you think?

Overall, losing my hair has been a relatively easy experience - it's different for everyone, and I think the best part, for me, is that I could take control over it myself. Cancer is the kind of disease that takes over your life (temporarily, of course) with chemotherapy and treatment, so having control over the little things gives me alot of comfort. For some people, losing your hair can be very traumatic - and if you're struggling with hair loss and the emotional baggage that comes with it, I would speak to your nurses and doctors about what support is available to you. They're there to help!

The most important thing to remember through chemotherapy and losing your hair is, while it might sound a bit cliché, you're not defined by your looks. You are a beautiful person from the inside out.

But of course, you can still look great with a baldy-bap like me!