To Give Up

There are days when I want to give it all up.
Honestly, there are days when I want to refuse my treatment.
There are days when I am so tired of everything that I wonder, is it worth it?

But there's a simple answer: Yes, it is worth it.

Many of my friends know, I've had doubts. I am still having doubts, even as the start of my chemotherapy grows closer and closer - at the end of the day, it's my choice whether or not to accept this preventative treatment. It's my choice to go through with this. My doubts, and my decisions, are not the same.

I wonder sometimes if it's worth it. But I know in my heart - Yes, it is worth it.
Little things make life worth living. And why would you give up something you love? As hard as the road might be, nothing lasts forever unless you choose that - and I will not be letting my cancer journey last any longer than it needs to. I will not give up, just to surpass the hard times - The hard times will make me stronger, and I need that.

My doubts may weaken me, but my decisions will strengthen me.

I am choosing life. I am choosing to keep going, and to push through the tough times so that I am able to look back and, with complete confidence, say, "That is behind me." I can never be sure I will not relapse. I can never be certain that my cancer will not return. But I can live each day as it comes, look back and say, "I made it through the hardest time of my life." Day by day, and step by step.

I am writing this because I am doubting myself. I have considered giving up treatment. I have considered letting my life slip from my own grasp - and that's sad. But I am not giving up.

Life is worth living. Hard times will pass. It's a beautiful adventure.

Life is about taking risks. It's about making peace with yourself, and letting the rest come as it does. I never asked to have cancer -- But I am happy with where I am.

Much love, as always,

Lana